First blog post

I am newly remarried and it’s as if I jumped out of a speeding car before a crash to a standing in front of a speeding bullet …meaning my first marriage my husband was a cheater and now my new husband is abusive …I need this outlet to just clear my head get things off my chest ..I’ve always kept journals but now my husband Robert finds them and reads them so I stopped that …Him and I have been married less than 2 years and our honeymoon was the first time he beat me it felt like a hours worth of beating that night. I lost respect for him after that but Robert makes lots of money and I live a good life so I prayed for a change …let’s just say I’m still praying for that change….This blog is about what else MY LIFE UNCUT 



Living With Mr. Right

So Robert says he is not happy ..

I said my life is full of lies …is that a lie?

I lie 

Nope he never hit me 

Nope he is not controlling 

Yes, I wanna do that (when I don’t) 

I tell ppl I can’t do something because I forgot my husband has plans for us …when thats not the case …

sooooooo yeah I tell lots of lies but I have never told him these words out my mouth I AM LIVING A LIE I AM NOT HAPPY. 

but it’s true he can’t be happy with the way he speaks to me a king would never speak to his queen this way …I wonder how he speaks to a queen ?

He pulled me close and said he apologized but that was for the wind cause it meant nothing 

he sits up there and makes fun of me when I get upset 

I am lacking 

I am searching 

I miss 

I will get 

joined and this one is not for friends 

who is to blame HIM I say HIM 


I blocked Robert from my laptop like he can’t long on unless I allow him to man fuck that he be all using my laptop and then has the nerve to change his password on my shyt buddy buddy buddy 

I will not give him my password and he will have to wait until I get home to give him access 

I took my xanax 

played with my bullet 2 times watching guys with big dicks jack off …I haven’t seen a dick larger then my thumb in years …and to think I was cracking up at Jose when he pulled out his lil shit like the room was going to get dark lololololol and now …so anyway I got a new vice no more girl on girl shit it’s regular size dicks that make me say yassssssss bullet time 

I thought Robert was done with the whole whoooooooaaaaa is me thing but he still texted me and said he wishes he was my love and not just another nucca ….Robert is very insecure …and I know it’s because he doesn’t deserve me I am good to him even when he treats me like shit …like honest I miss that 

I cyber stalk 

I was so happy 

it was exciting 

it was fun 

I had a voice an opinion now it’s all about Robert and what makes him feel good SIIIIIICCCCCKKKKKKKK makes me nauseous 

I gotta open an out of state bank account and have $50 every 2 weeks go there that will be $1,300 a year …then next year I’m a up it to $100 every 2 weeks ….no bank card and no access from here just stack by the time I’m 65 I should be straight and on my feet …

have no babies with Robert …I am done not bringing it up again …not making any appointments 

don’t talk about any friends or bring any of them to my home after tomorrow ….sneak around with Kelsey but just say nothing about it …become a liar everything he says I am I will be 

Ask his mom to move in when Sefe goes to college 

get a part time job on the weekends 

every waking day of my life shouldn’t have to be me waiting at home until he gets off work and then spending it with him like really JESUS please help me what should I do 

So the Xanax has me feeling real mellow I’m a get some alcohol to boost this feeling back up 

Robert likes nah loves to make me feel guilty and I honestly just wanna feel loved and respected   

I Can’t speak

I head out the room …he kirks …talking about I’m walking away ..there I go leaving … yada yada yada ..I go get some coffee. 

He gets up …gets dressed and leaves out the house …sooooooooo yeah riiiiight …capitol N …and this is the vicious cycle …it’s not the first …the cruise ship when a stranger asked me if I saw the dolphins that morning (while we was in the buffet line) Robert spazzed packed his suitcase said he was leaving his ID and Passport on the ship and getting off at the next port and not coming back on ….it was like the 5th sign this relationship was toxic but I married him anyway …even after I prayed to God to show me things and he did ..I disobeyed so in a way I feel like this is my own fault ……

Oh the cruise ship I got his sister involved see we had just got engaged a few months ago so I wasn’t sure …I mean I didn’t know him well enough to say he wouldn’t do something like that …she came and spoke with him and well he didn’t get off the ship 

Now he has  packed and unpacked so many bags …he has left out the house (God knows if I ever walked out the house all hell would break loose …he can do it but if I do it lololol) so many times and has came back…he has threatened divorce, suicide (I’m a keep driving leaving my wedding ring and ID I won’t need it..leaving his mom a letter behind), to do things on his own..yada yada yada it’s like the boy who cried wolf I know long think or feel anyway about it…

Robert thinks it’s the fact I canceled plans I have had for a week now …it’s the way he acted when I told him I was going to celebrate Kelsey’s Birthday …he kirked after that …and it’s because I was going to have fun without him …he goes in talking about give him a day lolololol yeah so he can be on his phone the whole time and telling me it’s work ….like okay okay …I joke about being in a trap house …door opens or closes (PHONE ALERT) alarm off and on (PHONE ALERT) Door bell pushed (PHONE ALERT) garage door open or close (PHONE ALERT) if I’m in the family room I can be seen on camera …if I’m in the basement I can be seen on camera …lolololol my trap house …

this whole thing is about the way he comes at me …I AM NOT A POSSESSION and he treats me like I can’t do shyt without him …I was so afraid to even tell him about the Birthday thing and the makeup launch …I am so afraid of him period if it ain’t in line with him it is a problem …

Jose…is moving in our area …I guess Jose and him can be close doing things going places and I shouldn’t say anything …I am praying they do so I can be gone when he is gone that will be my time ….which is why I try to do things while he is up the road at work 

If I was friends with Jackie Robert  wouldn’t be tripping because he could get the tea of my every move from Jackie

On that note let me check my phone and make sure he is gone so I can set the alarm and play with my bullet I need that sexual release will prolly take this migraine away  

His Words

Robert Is pissed that dinner wasn’t waiting for him when he got home. Now how many  times has this happened and then he gets in the shower and says under his breath THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK NO IN DEED …lolololol guess Jackie didn’t get him food right… 

So it doesn’t stop there 

he ate his food and then got in bed and started in on me 

he said it was funny I didn’t cook him even a hotdog and if I didn’t still have an attitude from last night I would have cooked him something …ummmmmm I always cook him something and bring him his plate even when I don’t feel like it or even want to due to me having an argument I miss today and he is pissed 

So I ask why would I have an attitude he said because of last night and he couldn’t tell me what about last night when I brought up Jackie he said he wasn’t talking about how I was the one bringing her up again aaarrrrggghhhh we know that Robert can not be wrong about anything. I mean he was nick picking with me so much that just was tryimng to be quiet then he says I DON’T SEE HOW WE MADE IT THIS LONG and I lost it 


I decide to just leave out the room and he started mocking me and saying there you go guess your going to type and send messages to Lashawn ……aaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh I had to get away from him he was blowing my happiness and I bet he on FB leaving post and his friends on FB thinking he is just THAT MAN when they have no idea the monster he is …shyt I am soooooooo over him and the way the ppl perceive him  as some HERO when at home he is a monster…I don’t make it any better because I feed them this BS when I post on FB but is they nknew the truth how stupid would I look ….so I cover up the real real …

I think Robert naw I know Robert is mad I have Lashawn and Kandi now so I have got to be careful talking about them to much and telling him what we talk about as far as our business …honest cause he will start acting funny 

Felicia has been talking with my little sister Nicole 

and I just SMH 

When I came downstairs I brought my Laptop, apple watch and my cell phone then set in the chair with my back to the wall so I could keep my eye on the staircase and Robert can’t sneak up behind me 

I am expecting Robert to come downstairs with his duffle bag in hand but instead he texts me to ask me to come upstairs so we can talk …fake smile on my face I head upstairs then LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION 

Part 2

Okay I am back 

where was I Robert of he ends up really getting an attitude because I wouldn’t help her…like how is that a reason for him to get mad like he was talking about leaving me at the party and picking me back up and then he tried to snatch my phone …it’s like I was begging him to talk to me and to eat and he was being an azz …

I was dancing in my seat Felicia was like get on the dance floor Sherry was like yeah get on the dance floor 

Robert called me a bamma when I yelled out part of the song so I just shut up and then he kept saying GO DANCE I KNOW YOU WANT TO and true I wanted to but lordy I know that would have been something nah save my azz and just stay in my seat ..I told him I was ready to go the conversation was THERE WAS NONE the whole way to get my car at his moms house and then he drove past me doing like 100 mph I was like well dam I hope he doesn’t get stopped by the feds with that unfinished bottle of wine in the back seat (dumb ass) 

Like really Robert you let somebody else come between us like like yo been knowing her for as long as you been working at this new office and he is telling me he has known her almost 3 and a half years …that’s about as long as he has know me …so ummmmm I remember when she started working there so ummmmmm he must have known her before he hired her…if this isn’t some Antonio (my first husband ) and me arguing over his female friends type shit…like really I am so over it …I went to Robert’s FaceBook page and he was still posting about how 

him getting chastised for being a person that tries to show folks a better way of thinking a better way of living ..what do you do…yada yada yada 

He just asked me if I wanted something from the carryout …nooooooo I said no 

anywho he is going to beat this whole Jackie thing into my head I just think she is strange and it just doesn’t seem right …I can’t even believe that Robert is so cool about the whole 


Today I went out with Kandi she is the chick I met on the friend app Bumble …she is really cool and we live close to each other too …Her and I went to Outback and had wings and beers and great conversation. We text a lot too …she actually is a great distraction cause Robert and his consent texting with Jose and then Eugene and Jackie is just crazy …

I told my homegirl Lashawn that Robert thinks he is the GODFATHER like the real one NOT the one in the movies …and it’s sick like when he acts this way I think remember he is still in his 30’s 

I was thinking in the car on my way home last night that the happiest relationship I was in was with Lee and it was just a great time in my life …him and I got around so great and I ended it which was a mistake …I haven’t been able to find him our happiness like that since…Robert makes me happy but to many days that I just aren’t and then many days when I am not even myself like at the party that I didn’t even dance not once I just sat in my chair out of fear that he would be pissed about it. 

I enjoy talking with Marshall even when it’s about our spouses and the kids …I miss talking with guys and getting the men side of things 

Things are changing between Robert and I …the fact he is acting this way regarding Jackie is just pushing me farther away 

I need to get back in his good graces when this nasty taste leaves my mouth when I think about him 

1. I need $40 

2.  I have to tell him my nephew is going to come stay with us in March …I am so nerves about that but yeah he has no where else to go ….

Oh well gotta pin curl my hair talk with you guys later 

He Ruined My Nite Of Fun Part 1

I made that mistake but I won’t make it again 

I had the worst time at my friends party last night …I took Robert and boy was that a MISTAKE …I was looking good and you know I had to fish for compliments ..but I seen the men checking me out so I know I was looking good and Robert  knew I was too he just doesn’t like it and basically he is jealous over any attention I get or any fun I have … So any way …we at the party and he brings up me helping his female employee/friend with her wedding …back story 

Jackie is getting married to Urkle and she asked Robert to walk her down the aisle (strange) she is not a teenager she is a grown woman with two kids prolly late 20’s …so he was all touched (strange) who ask their boss to walk them down the aisle ?

then she has been asking him wedding planning advice and he is getting allllll info from our wedding for her even down to who did my makeup and I’m like she doesn’t have annnnyyyyyyybody to help her but you (strange) like where is the bridal party ? Robert ask me who helped me and when I told him I had Felicia and Renae he was acting like I didn’t like they didn’t help me 

Renae found the wedding dress places 

they both went to the dress stores with me even when finding the brides maid dress 

Felicia got the cake lady info and went to the cake tasting with me 

I discussed colors, songs, how I was gonna walk, invitation style, program formats, wedding favors , Felicia found the DJ …etc plus they helped out at the venue so for him to keep acting like all I had was him is crraaaaazzzzyyyyyy  if he didn’t PAY and MAKE CHANGES I would have planned it with those 2 easy 

So Jackie was posed to call me earlier this month with help planning her wedding I said cool …this is the same chick that knows Roberts fave everything (he told me YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I SPEND WITH HER AT WORK) So she never calls but he steady hitting me up asking me questions about they wedding and then he had nerve to ask for a PICTURE of my RING liiiiiiiiiikkkkkeeeeeee really 

I am not making this up and to some this may seem petty but the shyt is just weird he said she looks at our wedding pictures everyday getting ideas (strange) like I looked at wedding books and googled wedding ideas liiiiiiikkkkkkeeeeeeeeee to me the shit is just strange 

I’ll be back gotta take this phone call right fast 

Working my Nerves

Robert is his name crazy is his game 

Today today today …..

I haven’t been on here in a while not that things were better but just the holiday and being busy with that. 

but lets talk about today maybe the things before today will come out as well 

I have a friend Storm she is into flipping houses and stuff well at the end of Dec she asked if Robert would be interested I thought he would gave him the message he said he would call. last week he still hasn’t called her and he told me that night he would call her tomorrow. 

So I was surprised when I spoke with her today and she still hadn’t heard from him so why in the hell did I ask him hunnies he went of talkng about he sorry I didn’t move the way I want him to move 

and lawd he wouldn’t let it rest 

I know by now that it’s the fact I called him out on his shyt and he doesn’t like that so he makes excuses work, stress and how he can’t understand how I don’t understand …yet this nigga jokes with Jose and Edward on the phone all day lolol 

but fuck that I’m honestly not tripping and I don’t really care about him and his friends

Because I have a date tomorrow ……………..I decided to meet some friends and I joined a website and met a nice lady and we have plans for lunch tomorrow and I’m so excited. 

I been talking with 

more and it makes after work something to look forward too 

When I get home though the stress hits me and I need a drink …home Robert stays in his phone like it’s crazy I decided I needed to meet me some folks to text and hang with and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Watch this Robert he will have a issue but sooooooo what …I am feeling different about Robert 

I have been feeling different about Robert for a while now …I wish I still had BJ in my life but due to Robert him and I are no longer friends 

I’m going to a friends housewarming on Sunday and I can’t wait I’m going to hang out more watch me 

Sex what sex ??? last time Robert and I had sex was Jan 4th but I have used my sex toy at least 8 times since then and even that night …he just doesn’t do it for me like I said MONEY sad but MONEY is the reason I stay. 

As long as he doesn’t hit me again which so far it’s been good 

I am thinking he is having sex with Jose lololol that dude text Robert and he JUMPS to reply even told me WHAT IF IT WAS AN EMERGENCY when he texted him back while we was at church like really though yeah he crushing on that man. 

Brings me to Kelsie who I have date with tomorrow I’m going to be hanging out with her more and she lives in my city 

yeah things are happening different in my marriage and yeah we know the cause.